So You Wanna Direct a Horror Movie

 

The video above is one of my favorite YouTube clips of all time (in case it’s not clear, that a re-cut of Stanley Kubrick’s horror classic “The Shining” as a heartfelt family comedy) – but unfortunately, 99% of horror movie trailers adhere to a different format.

What format is that, you ask? (I’m assuming you asked that.) Well luckily, I’m here to deconstruct it for you! Hit that jump sonnnnnnnnnn.

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So You Wanna Direct a Horror Movie

My Mind Goes to Some Really Odd Places

Not to get all fourth wall on you, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal shit lately – shit that has effectively shut down my ability to function as a normal person.

…So naturally, I decided that the way I would spend part of my day making this picture:

 

Unicornabomber

 

Yep. That’s a Unicornabomber. I’m here all week, folks!

-jsg

My Mind Goes to Some Really Odd Places

Bitches Be Trippin’

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Despite the sarcastic and critical tone of glitchgoals, we really try not to trade in stereotypes very often: It’s bad that they paint entire groups of people in broad strokes, and it’s even worse that using them for comedic purposes is hackneyed, lowest common denominator stuff.

Case in point: This asshole trades almost entirely in stereotypes

But based on a handful of conversations I’ve had over the years, I’ve come across one unequivocal truth: Women have the absolute strangest set of “deal-breaker” standards for relationships in the entire world.

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Bitches Be Trippin’

PLEASE Don’t Go to College (Unless Your REALLY Know What You Are Doing)

615 college graduation hire

Image Via

I started college in 2004 with jsg.  We had both freshly finished high school with decent marks, enough to get into a long, long list of community colleges.  We even qualified for some full-fledged universities.  I am not sure of his perspective on this, but I had always learned that you grew up, went to college, and emerged with a good paying job and ample advancement opportunities.  Turns out that is totally bullshit.  So PLEASE don’t go college.

Continue reading “PLEASE Don’t Go to College (Unless Your REALLY Know What You Are Doing)”

PLEASE Don’t Go to College (Unless Your REALLY Know What You Are Doing)

This Bird is The Best Bird Ever

ParrotBlank

My blogging better half is in South America right now, and he’s been taking some pretty ridiculous pictures of the native flora and fauna, including this awesome parrot. I hate to be THAT guy on the Internet, but this bird’s apparent scowl and pointing talons have meme written all over them.

Naturally, since my number one skill in life is thinking of random and obscure references, I created this variant:

Parrot

I mean, does this bird not look totally like the kind of bird that would randomly start sexually assaulting you? Just like the Hand Banana of birds!

Anyway, I guess my point is that bird is awesome, and I’m really hoping South America has even more awesome animals I can make even more adult swim references with.

This Bird is The Best Bird Ever

Luongo Dislikes Smoke

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You know how some days you’re like “Man, I woke up early because I couldn’t fall back asleep because so many random ideas were floating around in my head so let’s make breakfast and have a ton of coffee and then let’s get to work on making some of those ideas become a reality and hey, why not start with the silly 8-bit Photoshop idea because it seems like it’ll be the most fun?”

No? Just me? Alright then. Either way, hit that jump. I know you want to. Come on – all the cool kids are doing it.

Continue reading “Luongo Dislikes Smoke”

Luongo Dislikes Smoke

TNT is Trolling Us With Some Hyper-Ironic NBA All-Star Game Promos

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The NBA All-Star Game is this weekend, and as expected TNT is going to great lengths to promote the game. Plenty of insider access and coverage, lots of fun sideshow-style events…and oh, who could forget ads featuring the music of breakout indie rapper Macklemore!

I’ve gotta applaud your taste, TNT – Macklemore has some amazing tracks on “The Heist.” So which one did you go with? I bet it was “Can’t Hold Us,” right? Or maybe it’s “Gold” – you know, like in the metaphorical sense? Hell, “Thrift Shop” doesn’t even make sense here, but it’s so catchy that you might as well, right?

Wait. You…you went with “Wing$?” Wait….wait what?

 

 

So feel free to watch the video if you like, because it’s actually a pretty great song in its own right. It’s just, you know…that it’s a song about the dangers of materialism, with a focus specifically on – wait for it – basketball shoes.

TNT edited out all of the objectionable lyrics for the sake of their video, of course – it’s not going to be good for business to hear Macklemore mention how his friend’s brother was murdered for his Air Jordans, or say things like “these Nikes helped me define me but I’m trying to take mine off” – but I mean, even having the subtext of this song around makes the ENTIRE VIDEO feel like it’s just there to fuck with your mind. Mission accomplished, TNT.

I’m not sure what to believe about any of it, to be honest. Is this an ironic statement on TNT’s part about their own product? Did they just pick the track because it’s vaguely about basketball? And what’s Macklemore’s role in all of this? For someone who seemed awfully concerned about not being a consumer whore anymore, he and Ryan Lewis APPEAR IN THE MUSIC VIDEO. What’s next, being asked to play at the next pope’s confirmation ceremony and playing “Same Love?” Man my head hurts.

In conclusion, I don’t know what’s real anymore.

TNT is Trolling Us With Some Hyper-Ironic NBA All-Star Game Promos