Remember When I Totally Predicted That BB Was Using Deflategate as Tacit Motivation for the Super Bowl?

I did it a few days ago and basically claimed that BB just wanted to give his team back their “nobody believed in us!” chestnut from years past. Well guess what? Looks like I have an (admittedly unlikely) ally in Dan Wetzel:

“Every team seeks an Us-Against-The-World, Nobody-Believes-In-Us mentality. They think it provides some kind of an edge even when a Super Bowl is on the line and you wouldn’t think any edge is needed. So it’s often invented.

New England is in its sixth Super Bowl with Belichick and Tom Brady, it goes to the playoffs every season, it’s always a league favorite. Trying to figure out a way to be the underdog, the doubted, the victim, it’s nearly impossible.

At least until now.”

Just remember where you heard it first, folks: from your pal JSG. See? Once you get past the fact that I swear a lot and make way too many references to drinking and I’m prone to run-on sentences and I don’t really remember all the rules of grammar, I’m basically right there as a sportswriter. YOU’RE WELCOME.

And This Was in My Gmail *THIS* Morning

CNN.com Recently Published/Updated – Lynch faces Congress in attorney general hearing – 1 hour ago

Wow — I knew the NFL was upset with Marshawn Lynch for his standoffish attitude toward the media, but a Congressional hearing?! That seems wildly excessive to me — Roger Goodell has gone mad with power!

If he’s coming down this hard on Lynch for his media availability, what can we expect from Deflategate?! My guess is a military tribunal in which the Patriots are found to have violated the Geneva Convention, subsequently resulting in their public executions. Consider this a shot across the bow, ballboys.

This Headline Was in My Gmail This Morning

“ESPN.com – Browner’s targeting plans sadden Seahawks – 11 hours ago”

“I’m not even mad — I’m just disappointed,” said Russell Wilson. “I just thought they were better than that.” K.J. Wright added: “To say I’m sad is an understatement. We can move past it…I’m willing to forgive it, but I won’t forget it.”

“Sigh…where did we go wrong? Is this our fault? Are we bad teammates?”

From GG Editor Emeritus ST

Here’s the box score for the Pro Bowl:

Go Rams! Beat the Rams! Rams forever!!

This Feels like All of My NHL 14 Online Games Rolled into One

DAT GLOVE DOE:

The NHL All-Star Skills Competition is AWESOME

I feel the same way, guys. I feel the same way:

1998 Denver Broncos vs. 2014 Denver Broncos

Seriously, this thing is going to take up all my time today. My first thought was to make my Denver Broncos play themselves, so I took the 1998 team and sent them on the “road” to play the 2014 team. Elway vs. Manning! Thomas/Sanders vs. Smith/Sharpe! Terrell Davis vs….uh, C.J. Anderson! Epic!

Bam! I simulated it a few times just for fun, but the 1998 Broncos only lost one of the 6-7 times I tried it. This particular result was my favorite, though: I set the weather to snowy and left the teams to their own devices. To no one’s surprise, it was a true QB duel:

 

Elway and Manning combined for 464 yards and 5 TD passes with zero turnovers — I’m not sure you could have hoped for a better result than that. Terrell Davis had quite a game for himself, topping 100 yards and finding the end zone; all of the big play WRs/TEs delivered too, with only McCaffrey and Julius Thomas held out of the end zone.

But the real kicker here? Check out the 4th Quarter drive log:

That’s right: Taking over at their own 36 with 5:09 to go, Elway calmly marched the 1998 Broncos down the field and hit Rod Smith for a 20-yard go-ahead TD with 1:43 remaining. As if there was any doubt who the most clutchity clutchity clutch QB in history is, Manning stupid and chokishly gets the ball to Welker at midfield…and Welker proceeds to fumble it. Game: 1998 Broncos. Thanks for nothing, Peyton!

Welp, Goodbye Saturday

Someone on reddit posted a link to this site, which lets you simulate football games between any team in history. Safe to say I’ll be spending the rest of the day simulating ridiculous matchups and posting the results here.

Hey, it beats the Pro Bowl, right?

Siiiiiiiiigh

It’s almost like Troy Aikman isn’t even reading this blog anymore:

“If ignorance is no excuse, and it wasn’t for Sean Payton. …[The Saints] did not give themselves a competitive advantage. Now twice, under Bill Belichick and possibly a third time, they’ve cheated and given themselves an advantage. To me, the punishment for the Patriots and/or Bill Belichick has to be more severe than what the punishment was for the New Orleans Saints.”

God, where do we even start with this one? Here are some loosely organized thoughts in bullet point form:

• This is yet another instance of comparing something unfair but relatively innocent (i.e. deflating footballs) with something that has much larger personal/social implications (i.e. targeting players with intent to injure, offering cash incentives for such targeting)
• I love the insistence that “Bountygate” (again, can we stop with the -gates?) didn’t give the Saints a competitive advantage — as though targeting the other team’s players and trying to knock them out of the game isn’t an advantage of some kind
• The Patriots were already punished for their previous “cheating” instances — this doesn’t make them right, per se, but it’s hardly like New England got away with anything here
• Again — again! — I feel compelled to mention that intentionally targeting, hitting and attempting to injure opponents with dubiously legal play, and then offering financial rewards for such actions that go beyond/outside of their contracts is FAR worse than whatever nebulous impact using deflated footballs would have, especially since:
  • The Saints’ bounty system was systemic and far-reaching, not limiting itself to specific opponents/games, and
  • Deflated footballs only impact a small portion of the game, i.e. the offensive portion, and it wouldn’t mean anywhere near as much in different climatic conditions, and furthermore
  • The suspensions for the Saints’ bounty system came after a much longer investigation in which numerous figures on the coaching staff, including Sean Payton, were found to have been implicitly involved the whole time — put another way, there was considerably more evidence and far less plausible deniability for the Saints
• There are so many ways that the Patriots’ footballs could have been better tracked/looked after, before and during the game, and while it’s not like the officials are really to blame for this, their “negligence” (if you can even call it that) has to be considered a factor

I get it, guys. The Patriots cheated. They’re a bunch of cheating cheaters who are about as good at figuring out creative ways to cheat as they are at playing football to begin with. Cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat, that’s all they do. They should re-brand themselves as the New England Konami Code, because they’re such famous cheats. They should make their new logo a man catching his wife in bed with another man and get Kobe Bryant to be their new mascot, since they love cheating so much.

But please, can we at least try to keep some perspective here? There’s just no comparing this to a bounty system, or to Ray Rice/Greg Hardy’s domestic abuse, or to Adrian Peterson’s child abuse, or to Penn State’s entire situation. It’s not even shades of gray — it’s a different color entirely. Come on, Aikman et. al. We’re better than this.

Actually, This Makes Too Much Sense NOT to Be True…

Now that I’ve had a little while to reflect on the Patriots thing mentioned in the post before, it’s pretty clear what’s happening: Belichick is trying to drum up some faux-underdog mentality for his team. By figuring out how to make the Patriots vilified in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, he’s giving them a “nobody believed in this team except us!” card that they’ve so desperately craved since the early 2000s. He’s making the game about the rules and working to distract people from the game itself.

I’m on to you, you crafty, hoodie-wearing son of a bitch. I’m on to you AND I respect your team, and personally I think they are heavy favorites. If anything, I don’t believe in the Seahawks, who are clear underdogs in my mind. How do you like them apples, hmm?