Happy Super Bowl Day!

It’s finally here, America! Rejoice in the moment. Eat until you hate yourself, drink until you love everyone and root your heart out for the winning coach to punch Roger Goodell in his stupid fucking face. And most of all, never forget:


Happy Super Bowl Day!

This Headline Was in My Gmail This Morning

ESPN.com – Browner’s targeting plans sadden Seahawks – 11 hours ago”

“I’m not even mad — I’m just disappointed,” said Russell Wilson. “I just thought they were better than that.” K.J. Wright added: “To say I’m sad is an understatement. We can move past it…I’m willing to forgive it, but I won’t forget it.”

“Sigh…where did we go wrong? Is this our fault? Are we bad teammates?”

This Headline Was in My Gmail This Morning

Russell Wilson Had Himself a Tim Tebow Game

Check it:


Less than 50% completion rate. One passing TD to FOUR interceptions. Five sacks. Seven carries for 25 yards and a rushing TD. Remind you of anyone?

Well, maybe not EXACTLY like Tebow...
Well, maybe not EXACTLY like Tebow…

Wilson’s QB Rating for the game was 44.3 (punting sensation Jon Ryan was a perfect 158.3!); Wilson’s QBR was a sad 13.6 (where 100 is the highest). So…maybe my title should have been that Tim Tebow had Russell Wilson games. Still: when the cards were on the table and all the chips were in and [insert other poker analogy here], Wilson found a way to bring his team back for a miracle win. Way to ante up, Russell!

In that insanely flukey 29-23 playoff win where Tebow, some crazy how, completed one of his ten (!!) passes of the game to Demaryius Thomas for the 80-yard winner, Tebow went 10/21 for 316 yards and 2 TDs, tacking on 10 carries for 50 yards and a TD.

QB Rating: 125.6, QBR: 97.7 (i.e. almost perfect).

His Tebowliness couldn’t have been much more ineffective as a traditional passer over his career, completing just 47.9% of his passes with a 17/9 TD/INT ratio (not to mention 7 fumbles). And yet:

Career QB Rating: 75.3. Career QBR: 33.4.

In fact, for all of his flaws — his numerous, hilarious flaws — Tebow only had three games in his career with a lower QBR than Wilson had in Sunday’s game. In those three games, Denver was outscored 23-97 and lost all three. If he’d won a game like the one Seattle pulled out in the NFC Championship game, he’d have spend 20 minutes Tebowing and building a church at midfield. If nothing else, he’d certainly have attributed it to divine intervention.

Hmm? What’s that? Oh, Russell Wilson has something to say. Russell?

“God is too good all the time, man,” Wilson told Erin Andrews of FOX Sports immediately after the win.  “Every time.”

“That’s God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special,” Wilson said regarding the sudden transformation from horrible performance to incredible performance.  “I’ve been through a lot in life, and had some ups and downs.  It’s what’s led me to this day.”

Welp, that settles it: Wilson had a Tebow game after all. Maybe Rodgers should have spent a little less time reading defenses and a little more time reading scripture!

Russell Wilson Had Himself a Tim Tebow Game

Les Panthers Dangereux


Seahawks DE Michael Bennett and the Panthers are bunkin’ cousins:

“It’s so much alike, man. It’s like you look at a girl who looks like you, and you find out it’s your cousin, so you can’t go on a date with her even though you’d like to, because she looks like you. But then you see her friend, and her friend’s really hot, and you’re like, ‘that’s not my cousin,’ so it’s good.”

That quote was about how similar the Seahawks and Panthers teams are, in case, uh, that wasn’t clear from the context. I guess the takeaway is that Michael Bennett…wants to…date the Panthers? Or maybe he has some really hot cousins? More like George Michael Bennett if you ask me.

Les Panthers Dangereux

I’m no All-Pro, fire-breathing dragon or anything…

…but I do hold some of the same opinions as Richard Sherman. Specifically when it comes to the NFL and its parfait-like layers of hypocrisy.

Given his expression, I’m gonna assume the question was about being the league’s most overrated corner and benefiting from an insane pass rush. Or, you know, something.


Turns out Yahoo disabled the ability to embed the video, so in case it doesn’t work and/or you don’t feel like trusting me (what the hell, man, I thought we were cool!), this is Richard Sherman addressing the media in defense of his teammate Marshawn Lynch, who was fined $100k by the league for not participating in his own media session. Sherman efficiently but politely eviscerates the NFL for being hypocrites about player safety and being two-faced about alcohol consumption; he implies that they’re making up the rules as it suits them, and it’s hard not to see some subtext about the league’s incredibly reactionary stance to issues like domestic violence and personal expressionism. All around great work by Sherman here. He’s a little bit wooden as far as acting skills go, but I’m willing to forgive that since it’s not like we can all be Peyton Manning.

Seriously, though. Roger Goodell is a tool and — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — Richard Sherman is awesome for lambasting him. He’s totally in the right here. Overrated though he may be, I’d welcome any and all press conferences where he calls out the league for its bullshit double standards. Well done, Mr. Sherman. I couldn’t have done it any better myself.


I’m no All-Pro, fire-breathing dragon or anything…

Fire Skip Bayless

(Image Via)

Readers of our blog (I probably didn’t have to make that plural, in hindsight) may have noticed my affinity toward fisking various articles/infomercials. That’s no accident: I love a good point-by-point takedown of something, especially since the things being fisked usually aren’t lacking material to work with. Plus it gives me this incredible rush of smug self-satisfaction, but mostly it’s that first thing.

The reason I bring it up is because I’ve spent the last week reading through the archives of the incomparable Fire Joe Morgan, and it’s got me in the mood to do it again. As luck would have it, I didn’t have to wait long because one of my favorite sports subjects ever is in the news again: Peyton Manning’s legacy is up for debate, and idiots are weighing in on his post-season experience!

Continue reading “Fire Skip Bayless”

Fire Skip Bayless