Hey, someone wrote a Bill Belichick post about Chip Kelly!

Image Via BleacherReport

No, for real, check it out. It’s right here in the ESPN archives and it was written…huh, seven years ago? Oddly good job forecasting, ESPN! And don’t worry about all those typos — I’ll touch them all up for you:

To understand [Kelly], look what he did with [Eagles]

Continue reading “Hey, someone wrote a Bill Belichick post about Chip Kelly!”

Hey, someone wrote a Bill Belichick post about Chip Kelly!

Remember When I Totally Predicted That BB Was Using Deflategate as Tacit Motivation for the Super Bowl?

I did it a few days ago and basically claimed that BB just wanted to give his team back their “nobody believed in us!” chestnut from years past. Well guess what? Looks like I have an (admittedly unlikely) ally in Dan Wetzel:

“Every team seeks an Us-Against-The-World, Nobody-Believes-In-Us mentality. They think it provides some kind of an edge even when a Super Bowl is on the line and you wouldn’t think any edge is needed. So it’s often invented.

New England is in its sixth Super Bowl with Belichick and Tom Brady, it goes to the playoffs every season, it’s always a league favorite. Trying to figure out a way to be the underdog, the doubted, the victim, it’s nearly impossible.

At least until now.”

Just remember where you heard it first, folks: from your pal JSG. See? Once you get past the fact that I swear a lot and make way too many references to drinking and I’m prone to run-on sentences and I don’t really remember all the rules of grammar, I’m basically right there as a sportswriter. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Remember When I Totally Predicted That BB Was Using Deflategate as Tacit Motivation for the Super Bowl?


It’s almost like Troy Aikman isn’t even reading this blog anymore:

“If ignorance is no excuse, and it wasn’t for Sean Payton. …[The Saints] did not give themselves a competitive advantage. Now twice, under Bill Belichick and possibly a third time, they’ve cheated and given themselves an advantage. To me, the punishment for the Patriots and/or Bill Belichick has to be more severe than what the punishment was for the New Orleans Saints.”

God, where do we even start with this one? Here are some loosely organized thoughts in bullet point form:

  • This is yet another instance of comparing something unfair but relatively innocent (i.e. deflating footballs) with something that has much larger personal/social implications (i.e. targeting players with intent to injure, offering cash incentives for such targeting)
  • I love the insistence that “Bountygate” (again, can we stop with the -gates?) didn’t give the Saints a competitive advantage — as though targeting the other team’s players and trying to knock them out of the game isn’t an advantage of some kind
  • The Patriots were already punished for their previous “cheating” instances — this doesn’t make them right, per se, but it’s hardly like New England got away with anything here
  • Again — again! — I feel compelled to mention that intentionally targeting, hitting and attempting to injure opponents with dubiously legal play, and then offering financial rewards for such actions that go beyond/outside of their contracts is FAR worse than whatever nebulous impact using deflated footballs would have, especially since:
    • The Saints’ bounty system was systemic and far-reaching, not limiting itself to specific opponents/games, and
    • Deflated footballs only impact a small portion of the game, i.e. the offensive portion, and it wouldn’t mean anywhere near as much in different climatic conditions, and furthermore
    • The suspensions for the Saints’ bounty system came after a much longer investigation in which numerous figures on the coaching staff, including Sean Payton, were found to have been implicitly involved the whole time — put another way, there was considerably more evidence and far less plausible deniability for the Saints
  • There are so many ways that the Patriots’ footballs could have been better tracked/looked after, before and during the game, and while it’s not like the officials are really to blame for this, their “negligence” (if you can even call it that) has to be considered a factor

I get it, guys. The Patriots cheated. They’re a bunch of cheating cheaters who are about as good at figuring out creative ways to cheat as they are at playing football to begin with. Cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat cheat, that’s all they do. They should re-brand themselves as the New England Konami Code, because they’re such famous cheats. They should make their new logo a man catching his wife in bed with another man and get Kobe Bryant to be their new mascot, since they love cheating so much.

But please, can we at least try to keep some perspective here? There’s just no comparing this to a bounty system, or to Ray Rice/Greg Hardy’s domestic abuse, or to Adrian Peterson’s child abuse, or to Penn State’s entire situation. It’s not even shades of gray — it’s a different color entirely. Come on, Aikman et. al. We’re better than this.


Actually, This Makes Too Much Sense NOT to Be True…

Now that I’ve had a little while to reflect on the Patriots thing mentioned in the post before, it’s pretty clear what’s happening: Belichick is trying to drum up some faux-underdog mentality for his team. By figuring out how to make the Patriots vilified in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, he’s giving them a “nobody believed in this team except us!” card that they’ve so desperately craved since the early 2000s. He’s making the game about the rules and working to distract people from the game itself.

I’m on to you, you crafty, hoodie-wearing son of a bitch. I’m on to you AND I respect your team, and personally I think they are heavy favorites. If anything, I don’t believe in the Seahawks, who are clear underdogs in my mind. How do you like them apples, hmm?

Actually, This Makes Too Much Sense NOT to Be True…