The United States of Oshie-merica

 

(Image via Getty Images via Puck Daddy)

 

Olympic hockey is happening right now. Wait, let me clarify: Olympic hockey is happening for T.J. Oshie — it’s just kind of happening to everyone else.

I know, I know: no snark, negativity or criticism? What’s glitchgoals coming to?? Sorry. I’m taking a minute to defer to the truest American hero of our time. T.J. Oshie is like Rocky meets Rambo (with a dash of every other cast member from The Expendables). He wins everything today.

-jsg

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The United States of Oshie-merica

A Quick One-Act Play I Wrote

(Image Via)

 

….Vaguely based on ST’s awesome post and, unfortunately, my own life. Enjoy!

 

ACT I

[Interior: Divisional office building. Bright, fluorescent lights illuminate the hallways. The hushed tones of conferences calls offer ambient noise. Jon McComb, a mid-level manager, approaches the desk of Joe St. Germain.]

Continue reading “A Quick One-Act Play I Wrote”

A Quick One-Act Play I Wrote

Yelp! I Need Somebody (to Smugly Describe Food at Places They’ve Been Like Once)

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A few years ago, ST drew my attention to the Yelp page for his dad’s business. There was only one review posted: An aggressive, incendiary 1-star review that effectively called ST’s dad a lecherous fraud whose office doubled as a terrifying sex dungeon. It sounds ridiculous, but this is barely an exaggeration (of the uh, review, not of his dad or the business).

Since I’m all about making a meaningful impact on the world as long as I don’t have to leave my computer, I decided I’d make my own Yelp profile to counter-balance that obviously fake review…with a 5-star fake review of my own. (Look, if life were a morality contest, would you REALLY want to win?)

My exposure to the site and the people who use it have taught me one thing above all else: Yelp is full of the most pretentious people you’ve ever met saying the most inane things imaginable about food, bar none — and the fact it’s a standard source of information on restaurants absolutely terrifies me.

Continue reading “Yelp! I Need Somebody (to Smugly Describe Food at Places They’ve Been Like Once)”

Yelp! I Need Somebody (to Smugly Describe Food at Places They’ve Been Like Once)

OMG IZ DISS DA NEW TOM BRADY LOL?!??!?

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I haven’t seen a shellacking like that since my pancake incident!  That was probably one of the most lopsided wins I’ve ever seen in a football game.  Shit, the Jags and Bucs played the Seahawks better than the Broncos.   Continue reading “OMG IZ DISS DA NEW TOM BRADY LOL?!??!?”

OMG IZ DISS DA NEW TOM BRADY LOL?!??!?

The Big Game

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(JSG note: I changed the format of the blog and for some reason this post just BLEW UP the font size for some reason…and I can’t fix it no matter how hard I try. So we’re just gonna leave it for now. Sorry, ST! On the plus side, now we can share your post with people all the way across a room! Or with my grandparents from a few inches away.)

Want to have a productive discussion with an NFL fan??  Try bringing up who they think the best quarterback of all time is and why.  Their response will inevitably be: “bwuhhhhh who’s won the most Super Bowls again?” Continue reading “The Big Game”

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