Olympic hockey is happening right now. Wait, let me clarify: Olympic hockey is happening for T.J. Oshie — it’s just kind of happening to everyone else.
I know, I know: no snark, negativity or criticism? What’s glitchgoals coming to?? Sorry. I’m taking a minute to defer to the truest American hero of our time. T.J. Oshie is like Rocky meets Rambo (with a dash of every other cast member from The Expendables). He wins everything today.