glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam IV

This one comes from a friend of the blog! Well, a friend of me. She is no doubt 100% unaware of this blog and, in the event she is, has wisely never brought it up to me, because a series of awkward pauses and sighs and eye rolls isn’t much of a conversation. Anyway:

“Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to
be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of.

I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about.
You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects
, people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more.”

All formatting preserved from the individual post, mind you — I think it adds that little something extra, you know? Not that the content itself is lacking — I love this thing like my child. Actually: more so, since I don’t have any kids because kids are lame. Fuckin’ kids, am I right? You aren’t the future. I’M the future. Bitches.

Anyway, there’s a lot to unpack here. I mean, who doesn’t get irked while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about? And who hasn’t ever hit the nail on the head top? And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how nice it is to have a whole topic defined without…side…effects. I can take a signal, you know!

I think my favorite part has to be how it’s just glowing comment after glowing comment and the whole thing ends with a “will likely be back to get more.” Just the idea that there’s any uncertainty after all of that makes my brain smile.

Ahh…this is by far the lamest and lowest-effort recurring bit I do here but it’s easily my favorite. Never, ever change, comment spam. Or as I always say: “Unquestionably believe that which you stated!”

(Image Via)

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glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam IV

glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam III

It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these, but I was perusing the ol’ spam queue this afternoon and it looks like we have a new contender for “JSG’s Favorite Spam Comment Ever!” (All winners receive a small bronze trophy in the shape of a can of Spam, much like this one, and a coupon for One Free Hug from yours truly.) Let’s hit that blockquote:

“Hurrah, that’s what I was exploring for, what a stuff! present here at
this blog, thanks admin of this site.”

What a stuff indeed! I like this one the best because it’s just so short and sweet, and in a weird way it feels the most earnest of them all — usually spam comments are trying to get you to pay for some SEO service or buy knock-off Nikes, but this one just seems like a small Malaysian child went online for the first time and wanted to tell us we were doing a good job. Awwww. Thanks, small Malaysian child. That warms our icy robot hearts. Readers like you are why we do this.

(Top image via; Spam trophy via)

glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam III

glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam II

(Image Via)

OK so I totally didn’t expect that this would become a thing, but man, I am a sucker for the ubiquitous spam messages we get sent in what is apparently the world’s most broken English. I know it’s kind of silly to even bring it up, since we all get spam messages, but these strike me as particularly awesome.

Today’s entry? BLOCKQUOTE STATUS:

“I have been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or blog posts on this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this web site. Studying this information So i am glad to exhibit that I have an incredibly excellent uncanny feeling I came upon exactly what I needed. I such a lot indubitably will make certain to do not overlook this web site and provides it a look regularly.”

This one is particularly awesome because that entire first sentence is actually alright….until the LAST TWO WORDS. Exploring for high-quality articles? Totally normal. Looking for blog posts on “this sort of house?” Man alive, I’m dying over here. I literally cannot think of any possible situation in which “house” was meant to be the subject there.

Never change, commenter spam – never ever change. Or as I always say: “I such a lot indubitably will make certain to do not overlook this web site!”

-jsg

glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam II

glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam I

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One of my favorite things about glitchgoals is the resulting blog spam that comes with it – our humble blog has already received over 100 spam comments, almost all of which are automatically filtered out by WordPress. (Thanks, WordPress!) Still, some of them manage to get through the automatic filter and into the Spam comment queue.

Most of these comments are about what you’d expect, but I came across one that was so excellent I just had to share it. This beauty comes to us from user “Facebook I Love You Quotes.” Let’s hit that blockquote:

“Pretty portion of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to say that I get in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing on your augment or even I achievement you get admission to constantly rapidly.”

I love how much more unintelligible this comment gets in only two sentences. “Pretty portion of content” is just spotty English (and, incidentally, my new favorite way to compliment someone’s work), but “even I achievement you get admission to constantly rapidly” is the kind of thing you get if you give magnet poetry to a retarded cat. That sentence closes with two adverbs for God’s sake – man this kills me.

Never change, commenter spam – never ever change. Or as I always say: “Any way I’ll be subscribing on your augment!”

-jsg

glitchgoals Gatekeeping: Great Moments in Spam I