Let the Oregon State Coaching Search Commence!

Well this just doesn’t look right (image via Huskers.com)

Doing that crazy tournament exercise below has had college football on my brain for a while now, so now I’m turning to slightly different news: Mike Riley, longtime head coach of the Oregon State Beavers, was suddenly and unexpectedly snatched up by Nebraska to fill Bo Pelini’s vacancy. It was a move as sudden and surprising as it was puzzling — it’s not like Riley was known for his wild success at OSU, especially over the last few years. I guess they see something in him that they think will translate particularly well to Nebraska. Oh well. Mazel tov, you bike riding dynamo, you!

The question remains, though: Who should replace Mike Riley? Already several rumors are flying around: Scott Frost, Brady Hoke, or maybe even a mystery candidate from out of left field.

I’d like to help OSU find a suitable replacement, so I’ve prepared my list of potential candidates below:


Potential OSU Football Coach Candidates

  • Scott Frost
  • Jonathan Smith
  • Brady Hoke
  • Jeff Tedford
  • Bo Pelini
  • Nick Saban (I mean, why not shoot for the moon? Give him $30M a year and rename the team the Orange Tide? It’d be worth it)
  • Dennis Erickson
  • Mike Riley (?!)
  • Mike Bellotti
  • A robot that looks like Chip Kelly, complete with visor
  • Bob De Carolis playing Madden
  • Mike Holmgren
  • Mike Martz
  • Mike Tyson
  • Bill Cowher
  • Phil Knight
  • Mark Helfrich (double-duty with Oregon)
  • Lee Corso
  • Hologram Knute Rockne
  • Lou Holtz
  • Benny the Beaver
  • Peyton Manning
  • Oliver Luck
  • Billy Bob Thornton (coached in Friday Night Lights)
  • Denzel Washington (Remember the Titans)
  • Al Pacino (Any Given Sunday)
  • Bill Belichick
  • Pat Casey (you’re telling me he can win College WS titles but not football titles?)
  • Condoleeza Rice
  • Jerry Rice
  • Tim Rice
  • A football wearing a headset
  • Derek Jeter
  • Biogenesis (the company)
  • Madison Bumgarner (what CAN’T he do?!)
  • Colin Kaepernick (might be a better coach than a QB at this point 😉 )
  • Literal X’s and O’s
  • An actual beaver
  • Crowdsource all play-calling to the fans


Any more ideas that come to me I’ll leave in the comments. Not that I’ll need to — Hologram Knute Rockne is pretty much a lock at this point. Go Beavs go!

Let the Oregon State Coaching Search Commence!

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