Hey guys! Remember this video from a few years back? If you don’t, please don’t hit play — just…trust me, if you do your eyes, ears and/or genitals will explode in a mixture of anger and depression I call depranger.
(Actually, you know what? Real-time update: Please DO watch this. This is possibly the worst/funniest thing I’ve ever seen…and I’m writing this update 27 SECONDS INTO THE VIDEO. This thing is amazing, and probably deserves its own post breaking down how bad it is. I won’t do it, mind you, because I expect that by the 45 second mark all I’ll be able to say is “:(” like 17 million times, but still. Awesomely awful video.)
This is “Crank That” by Soulja Boy. Seems pretty inoffensive at first, right? Well here’s the real message of this song’s chorus: “Crank that Soulja Boy and Superman that ho!” Odds are you do remember this song, BTW, because everyone and their grandmother’s sister’s autistic gay dog did a parody video that they wished would go viral or whatever — it was like “Call Me Maybe” from a decade ago. This song was a runner-up for Best Rap Song (!) at the Grammys (!!). Even though my feelings on the Grammys are clear and well-documented, that’s a lot of notoriety for a song that’s about…wait, what IS this song about, anyway?
Oh. Oh I see. It’s about doing a stupid dance move and ejaculating on your partner’s back, slapping a sheet on it and letting it stick, a la Superman’s famous cape.
Yeah, I know. Ridiculous, right? That’s not even the best part (or, you know, even the point of this post yet. This preamble is pretty long — turns out I have a lot to say on this ridiculous thing.) If you do a Google search for “Superman that ho,” the top four (!!!! [that was one exclamation point for each link]) links are to various Urban Dictionary entries with different spellings of this phrase. Which one is the “correct” one? Let’s go by which is most popular in terms of percentage of positive votes!
|“Superman that ho”
|“Superman dat hoe”
|“Superman a Ho”
|“Superman dat ho”
There you have it: official spelling from here on out is “Superman that ho.” Very proper spelling preferences, Urban Dictionary!
In any case, we can all mostly agree this is pretty gross, right? Or at the very least pretty ridiculous? The entire concept of “Superman[ning] that ho” is the kind of thing a depraved pervert lunatic would come up with, and whoever coined the phrase should be ashamed of themselves. Buuuuuuut on an unrelated note, it DID get me thinking: What other superhero terms would make for great sex terms? Well I’m glad you asked, fellow morally-superior friend! Let’s find out after the jump!